My first Good Valentines day EVER!

Published: February 14th, 2005

I always hated Valentine's Day.
 
Nothing would ever go the way I hoped.  The boy I liked would never, ever send me a note or flower.  
In fact he rarely ever noticed I existed unless it was as the best friend of the girl he fancied and would I please go tell her that he liked her.
 
I don't know why but I seemed to always have the best friend that all the boys liked.  While best friend was always very physically well developed with super cute clothes and the hair that feathered just right in two flat wings on the sides of her head, I was the abnormally late blooming bookworm in hand me downs with glasses, buckteeth and ginger hair that sort of feathered til half day when it was suddenly done doing what I had hairsprayed it to do and frizzed out into bushy curls.  
 
So, needless to say, Valentine's Day was always difficult and disappointing. 

No roses and cheap chocolate...

Skip ahead to University when my body FINALLY decided to catch up with the rest of my age group and I got the teeth and hair under control and actually started to turn heads although for some reason couldn't seem to time the head turning to coincide on or around Valentine's Day.  So again more high expectations and disappointment.  
 
Always disappointment.  This of course wouldn't have been so bad except that it was digging into the wounds that already existed from childhood.  
 
I hated red roses and cheap chocolate with a deep, burning passion like never before.
 
I began to get some relief from Valentine's Day torture when I just started ignoring it all together.  
 
No hopes or expectations=no hurt feelings, problem solved. 

"God you work it out..."

As I got closer to the end of my 20's I came to the conclusion after more than a few painful, failed relationships that I really did not know how to have a proper, successful relationship with a man and so decided I was going to stop trying.  I made a commitment to remain single, and LIKE it, until I really felt like God said otherwise.  
 
I was tired of wasting time on  questions like: "What if he's the one?" "What if I never let him know I like him?" or "How do I know what to do with my life until I find the right guy so we can plan together?" etc, etc.    I was so desperate I said "God, you work it out, I am going to relax and enjoy single life until I die unless you make it obvious that I do otherwise". 

Ironically, this started a time of freedom like I had never known. 
I started really living life and actually enjoying being single.  
 
I realized how much time and energy I had been wasting on worrying about who I should date or marry.  I began to really feel like God was my special romantic love and sensed that he was teaching me things like how special I am and lovable and acceptable I am.  
 
I sensed Him showing me how he wanted me to be treated in a relationship and not to settle for anything less than the best.  And as each year passed and I grew and learned more every January I would reaffirm my decision to God to stay single until he said.
 
During this time I met Jonah and was able to remain friends with him for a year and a half without flirting or mixed messages or anything.  We carefully and with integrity developed a deep friendship.

I could see during that time that if I ever married anyone that I would want him to be like Jonah.  

The Saturday Chat

Two Januaries passed during this time and the first one I could painfully tell that God was asking me to keep my promise to stay single even though I was completely in love with Jonah.  A year passed and the second January came and went and  I didn't have a clear suggestion from God.  So I was sort of waiting for things to be made clear.  
 
About this time Jonah asked if he could meet me next Saturday to have a chat.  We hadn't been able to hang out much lately and the following Saturday was the first time in a few months that we both happened to have free time.
 
So the week dragged on and I was sort of dreading "the Saturday Chat" because I was convinced that Jonah was going to give it to me straight.  He could tell that I had romantic feelings for him and that they were obviously from the devil and I needed to get a life because he didn't like me in the same way
that I liked him. The fact that Saturday happened to be Valentine's Day didn't make me any more hopeful. 

Saturday came and I was really sick with a fever but Jonah came to visit me anyway and we chatted a bit, we were good friends after all, and then I said "Well, what did you want to talk about?"  
 
And he said: "Heather, I've been in love with you for a year and a half and I think that it is time for us to take this relationship to the next level with the aim to work towards marriage".  
 
Let me just say I thank God I had a fever and was drugged up because that helped me to maintain my composure.   I told him I agreed and would like that very much.  And then we held hands for the very first time and it was really sweet.  My first good Valentine's Day EVER.

Great expectations? 

And I'm still not convinced Jonah even realized what day it happened to be.  One month later Jonah proposed and 6 months after that we had a sunny California wedding beautifully decorated with red roses. 

I am still careful not to have expectations about Valentine's Day so as not to set myself up for disappointment.  But what I can be hopeful about is that God really loves me and cares about me and the more I trust Him the more free He is to work out His dreams and miracles tailored just for me.  
 
Like after a life of really, really bad Valentine's giving me one really, really good one.  Or healing me from years of bad romantic choices and very poor self-esteem.  Or leaving it up to Him to sort out the when and where and whom or if I should marry. Or helping me to not miss out on the absolute freedom and joys of being single. Or even helping me to feel completely different about red roses.  Still not a big fan of chocolate, though.
 
This honest perspective on Valentine's Day came from writer and artist Heather Bailey. Originally from California, USA, Heather and husband Jonah now live in Seville, Spain. They are involved in 24-7,YWAM and the Triburbana community. Heather's interests include anything involving creativity, encouraging others and hanging out with
her dog.
 
 
Jonah and Heather Bailey

 

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